Attention!

Given the confusion, here is a more military approach to the task in hand:

Protection:

Sentries need not be mounted since the enemy contains his operations to the area of Freeport, Braintree. 'Will's House', our base of operations, is defensible and secure.

Ammunition:

Alcohol will be furnished by Quartermaster Carman, on the orders of Lieutenant Colonel Lu.

Weapons:

Pillows are advised since the possibility of a skirmish is deemed 'medium to high' for our base for this operation.

Personal Camoflage:

Clothing should be loose and comfortable. We may be forced to combat chavs if Jim gets the urge to herbalise them while out.

Equipment:

Sleeping bags are essential. ID cards are advised, in case you wish to go to the bar.

Comms:

Communication will utilise the cell-phone network. Strict radio protocol is to be observed at all times. The radio alphabet is provided here.

Special Kit:

Bowling balls and shoes will be issued if necessary, immediately prior to entry into the warzone codenamed Number 10. This sector has a current danger level of 'bowling'.

Orders:

We will rendezvous at a time to be confirmed by Lieutenant Colonel Lu on Wednesday 6th April, outside Number 10 bowling at Freeport. All those available beforehand will patrol there in convoy from our base, 'Will's House'. We will enter the warzone and commence battle. Having defeated the enemy pins we will replenish our supplies at Aroma at the all-you-can-eat buffet. We will then form up in convoy outside and patrol back to base. There we will continue the consumption of alcohol and use the combat simulator known as a 'GameCube' to hone our skills.